I’ve been keeping a secret from you all.  I know, scandalous, right?  Well, not as scandalous as you may think, but it’s still pretty special to me.  Over the past nearly two weeks, yours truly has been talking to some.  I’ve taken the leap and gotten over my inhibitions.  Yes, I still have my baggage, but my baggage makes me who I am.  I should be in bed right now, dreaming sweet dreams, but I’m far too excited from our conversation to even think of sleeping even though I’m exhausted.

I was browsing Fetlife a few weeks ago and just puttering around on a friend of mine’s page when I stumbled across the profile of a rather dashing fellow.  I went to his profile, read what he had to say, and I decided to send him a message.  Let me tell you, faithful readers, that sending him that message was the best decision I made that day.  Ever since that message, he and I have spoken frequently, save for the few days that we were both ill and working on getting ourselves better for work and normal functioning.  No matter how much we talk online, we always have something to talk about.  And, to be honest, there really is never a dull moment whenever I get the privilege of speaking with him.  Today was no different.

He and I both worked and we conversed via messenger as usual.  We played a little, chatted about minute details of our days, and he was off to work on some things he needed to get done.  I got off of work at the usual time and came home to relax.  My phone rang about an hour after I got home and I was pleased to hear him on the other end.  Up until about 27 minutes ago, he and I were on the phone.  Ladies and gentlemen, a grand total of nearly four hours was spent on the phone.  FOUR HOURS.  That is insane even for me and we both had things to talk about the entire time. 

The conversation bounced back and forth from playful banter and flirting to just chatting about things when he began to ask me questions and delve more into me.  For the first time in nearly six years, I was able to open up about the rape I endured from a friend.  I also opened up to the sexual and physical abuse I went through with my birth father when I was a child.  Opening up about these things to him helped me battle a lot of my demons that I have, though my demons will not be defeated for quite some time.  He acknowledged and has the understanding that these things take time and he is rather patient.  At least that’s my perception.

I feel privileged to talk to him, to be honest.  He’s pretty amazing and spectacular.  I’ve dated a lot of douche-nozzles in my day and even spoken to a few with hopes of developing a relationship.  My track record for successful relationships is in the negatives these days and it feels really good to feel a bit of a connection with someone.  I’m so very excited to see where this all goes in the near and distant future.

I’m so happy right now I could burst.  And Heather, if you’re reading this, don’t kill me for not telling you sooner.