Neverending Battle Tuesday, Jan 25 2011 

I wrote about my battle of the bulge back when I started this blog and, well, the battle has been started all over again.  I got lazy with school and didn’t take the time to care about myself and what I was doing to my body.  The disgusting thing about it was that I was eating almost an entire pizza when I’d order out, double orders of food, and horrible amounts of crap.  I’m not lying.  It’s disgusting and horrible to admit, but it happened and I’m changing that.

I decided a few months ago to join weight watchers and I let life get in the way and lost control again.  I let it go and didn’t bother to update it for a few months.  I decided about three weeks ago that enough was enough and I started tracking everything I was eating again.  I started to feel better, but I needed to take another step toward reaching my weight loss goals.  I needed more exercise.  I planned on going to the gym at school in the mornings, but I had made that promise to myself before and it never happened.  Once I get to school, I’m in absolutely no mood to go work out, get sweaty, shower there, and proceed to go to class.  I’d rather just show up ready to go.  I took an alternate route and signed up for a gym membership closer to home and I got my mom to do it with me.  This was the best decision and investment I have made this year thus far.  Well, aside from my romantic choice of course.

Since I started this battle over again, I have lost a total of 11 pounds.  That’s a lot of weight and I’m thrilled.  Feeling my clothes fit looser and my boobs not be as massive is a wonderful feeling.  It feels nice to throw my arm over my stomach and feel it going down a little bit each day.  I’m actually meeting my goals for the first time in a year.  Let’s just hope I keep this up.

Looking Up Tuesday, Sep 7 2010 

Well, things have been looking up since the last post I wrote.  First of all, for those of you who read of my financial struggles, I have them no more.  My financial aid appeal was approved and I will be getting the assistance I need to pay for my last two semesters.  Needless to say, I’m rather excited and feel as though a huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders.

I’ve been rather distant for a while because I’ve been super duper busy.  I started my second job that I’ll be doing on the weekends, so that has consumed my time now.  I’m also working on group projects as well as staying ahead of the game with some online classes that I’m taking.  I had a few minutes to write this just to let you guys know that I’m still around, but you might not see much of me until December.

Now, what you will be seeing is a lot more reviews posted to this blog.  I was recently approached by another company, FunWares, and have become a part of their review program.  With four different review programs, I’m going to be busy with getting reviews out as well.  Needless to say, I’m a busy busy girl.

So, stay tuned and check back for new reviews and, hopefully soon, more erotica.

What a Week Wednesday, Sep 1 2010 

So, I feel like I’m a jumbled mess right now.  For real, it’s been crazy.  To start things, my job has been giving me so much grief that I dread going to work.  I used to love my job and, quite frankly, things have gotten a bit too hectic for my liking.  Most of the reason is the horrid management quality of my boss.  But, this too shall pass.  It’s been nice having a day off and, to be extra nice, he let me off for the day today as well.  I’m happy for that since I have a crap ton of things to get done today.

I’ve been horribly emotional the past few days and I reached my breaking point the other night.  I literally sobbed for about ten minutes straight because the stress had gotten to be too much.  That and my hormones are stupidly out of whack.  The downfall to having to take out my NuvaRing every three weeks is that I have to deal with the hormone imbalance that my birth control helps to level out.  So, naturally, I’m a bit of a basket case and I’m not afraid to admit it.  At least, I feel like one.

I’ve had a few saving graces this week, though.  First of all, I got a job I’d been trying to get for a while now for my weekends when I’m not working my job I’m at now.  The extra income will be nice and hopefully help with my financial situation with school.  I’m still waiting for an answer from the appeals committee as to whether or not they decided to grant my appeal or not.  Needless to say, it’s been two weeks and I’m on pins and needles with anticipation.  I just want to know yes or no, though I’m bracing myself for a no.  I should look into stripping if that’s the case.

My best friend has been there for me a lot this week and it’s been extremely helpful.  She listens to me and it’s nice to know that she cares.  Also, another person has been rather influential in improving my mood and helping me to get through the massive shit pile I’ve been trudging through.  He was there to listen to me cry, to make me feel better, and just to be there.  It was a huge comfort and, honestly, talking to him about things has really been helping me sleep at night.  Last night was the first night in about a week that I actually slept.  The total hours of sleep count for the past five nights is a grand total of 20 hours.  Oh yeah.  I told you it was bad.

Needless to say, things are starting to look up, but my life is still one hectic ball rolling down the hill with no sign of stopping any time soon.

Back to School Tuesday, Aug 24 2010 

It’s that time of year again and, to be honest, I’m excited.  Why am I excited about school?  I’m in the final stretch and I can see home plate.  I am graduating in May with both of my degrees and telling college to kiss my ass goodbye.

I went to my first class yesterday and am waiting for my class to start for today.  I’m only taking two classes physically on campus, so it’s nice to only come for a little portion of the day.  I’m also taking the time before class to work out and get my body into more shape.  I haven’t updated since I started this little blog o’ mine, but I’ve lost 20 pounds to date.  I’m determined to lose 30 more by the end of the year, so I’m keeping up with working out and getting this fat ass into shape.

With school comes more responsibility, homework, studying, and all that other fun stuff, so my posting here is going to become scarce during the semester until about December.  I’m apologizing in advance to those of you who read, but I have to do what I have to do sometimes.  I will be doing product reviews still on the weekends and when I have free time during the week, but I honestly have my priorities with my grades right now.  However, there is ALWAYS time to fuck myself and tell you all about it ;).

That’s it for my rambling o’ the day.  Catch y’all again soon!

Re-Evaluating Me Monday, Aug 16 2010 

I’m doing some reevaluation of myself and my attitude towards people, life, and other things going on around me.  Last night I had to face a lot of my flaws and, well, it wasn’t easy.  Then again, most things in life aren’t easy to swallow and deal with.  I had to last night.  I had no choice and, to be honest, I like having no choice in the matter.  It really helps me to buckle down and realize what it is that I’m doing wrong and what I need to fix.

First of all, I’m going to be more positive about my job and the people I work with and for.  Even though I dislike how my boss acts and get annoyed with the people who walk in and out of the office, I need to remember that the way that they act shouldn’t affect the way I act.  I am my own person, not one of a crowd.  So, my attitude there is going to be shifting greatly.

Another thing I’m going to work on is my attitude towards my family.  Even though certain people drive me absolutely up the wall (*cough* my mother *cough), I am going to be more positive towards the things they ask me to do on the regular basis.   I really do love my family, but sometimes it’s just like listening to nails on a chalkboard.  Annoying and blood curdling.  But, positivity.  Right?  Right.

I also need to stop biting my nails.  I got into trouble over it, though only a warning.  It’s a horrible habit and it really makes my nails look like shit.  Utter shit.  I’ve been popping the acrylic off of my nails for a few months now and, well, that’s not making them look any prettier.  The acrylic deterred me from biting my nails for a long while, but I can no longer afford to get them done on a monthly basis.  It makes me sad, but it’s an expense I really don’t need.  So, any helpful suggestions on how to stop biting my nails would be GREATLY appreciated.

This is going to be a long, hard process, but it’ll be worth it in the end.  Only time will tell.

Life: It’s Too Quick Wednesday, Aug 11 2010 

It’s a rainy day and I’ve been thinking a lot.  I never really had a grasp on the concept on time and how fast it really goes when you’re living your life to the fullest.  As a child, I always wished I could be an adult so that I could have more independence and not need my parents and family so much.  These days I wish I could go back to being a child.  At least as  kid I got to finger paint, color, and nap periodically throughout the day without getting complaints from the others around me.

Yesterday I went to visit a friend in the hospital who had just had her baby.  She’s a year younger than me and I’ve known her for what seems like forever.  When I held her baby, it really hit me how fast time had gone by.  Ten years ago we were in middle school and singing with the church choir where we attended school.  Eight years ago I started high school as a freshman.  Four years ago I graduated and started college.  Now I’m about to graduate college and I was holding my friend of about ten years’ baby in my arms.  It hit me like a ton of bricks how fast time had gone by and I didn’t even realize it.

Life is a funny thing and, yeah, I’ve had a lot of pretty crappy things happen in my life and crappy things continue to happen.  But, you know, right now I’ve got a lot going for me and I can’t really complain.  I’m going to keep on truckin’ along and living my life to the fullest.  You never know when it’s going to end, but I know for damn sure I don’t want it to end anytime soon.

Life Goes On Monday, Jul 19 2010 

Life has been busy lately and I’ll probably be apologizing for a while to you, my lovely readers.  I feel terrible for being away and not posting, but life happens and, well, I can’t help what happens sometimes.  In short, my life has been a huge whirlwind of crazy happenings and other such things.

To start off, the priest I had written about in a previous post passed away and the funeral has passed.  I’d never been to a funeral for a member of the clergy before and it was quite different than a normal funeral for someone who wasn’t a part of the church.  Video cameras, photographers, and a ton of people in a large complex just weirded me out a bit.  I hadn’t expected such a funeral to be so big and such a big to-do.  I saw him one last time and I wish I hadn’t.  He looked so different since his spirit had gone and left his body.  I was glad I went, but at the same time I wished I hadn’t.

Now that the depressing things are out of the way, I am happy to announce that my birthday passed this past Wednesday, July 14.  I am now at the ripe age of twenty-two and I really feel no different than before.  My friends and family celebrated with me and we had a rather large party this past weekend.  Getting older has taught me to appreciate my life more and the things that I am given.  I am so thankful to have my family and my friends in my life.  They made my birthday phenomenal and I couldn’t have asked for a better celebration.

If you’ve noticed my side bar and the changes I have made with the banners, you will notice that there are no longer links to EdenFantasys or EdenCafe.  I am no longer affiliated with those sites due to personal issues that I have had with the employees of the company.  I am, however, now affiliated with new sites and look forward to bringing you guys some new reviews now that I have my feet on the ground once again.  I am also going to be getting back into my erotica posting now that life has slowed down quite a bit for me.

Thank you all for bearing with me and checking back for updates!

Death and Silver Linings Tuesday, Jul 6 2010 

Today has been bittersweet for me.  I found out, through my uncle, that a relative of his, through his ex wife, is dying.  He’s been around since I was born and he’s a very kind man.  He married my cousin, baptized my brother, and buried my grandpa.  If you haven’t figured it out yet, he’s a priest here in our area.  He went on a trip to South America during Easter and contracted a bug.  A bug that is killing him rapidly.

We found out today that he is swollen horribly and that he was given his last rites.  He isn’t expected to make it and will probably go to meet our maker very soon.  I am praying hard for him, though I’m not really praying for him to continue living and suffering with this disease.  I am praying that he is able to leave this world of suffering that he is in and become at peace for the first time in months.  It’s very hard to deal with death and I am just hoping to God that he calls him home soon to be at rest.

In happier news, I’m finally getting my silver lining.  I’ve been applying for second jobs for the weekend to make a bit more money during the week.  I also got a few checks in that I had been waiting on for a few weeks and that really helped out a lot.  Things are looking up this week and I am very excited that that silver lining is finally starting to show in my cloud.  I’m also getting excited about my birthday coming up next week and getting back in gear with my writing.

I hope this week continues to improve.  I’m very happy and content right now.

Live, Laugh, Love, and Learn Sunday, Jul 4 2010 

This weekend turned out much better than I anticipated.  My week was extremely suckful.  I’ve been stressing a lot and just worrying about finances and such.  It all started with being denied financial aid and having to figure out a way to pay for the last semester of my schooling.  I figured it out and I feel a bit more responsible than when I first felt when I got the letter telling me I had been denied financial aid.  It was my fault mostly, though I did have extenuating circumstances with certain instructors of mine.  That is neither here nor there and I admit that I faltered quite a bit.  I’m going to dig myself out of this hole I’ve gotten into and I’m going to be much better for it.  I’m praying that I will at least.

With the news of me being denied financial aid I began the crusade to find a weekend job, hence why I have been lacking in posting and activity on the internet.  I’ve pulled away from much of my leisure time and have put that time and energy into looking for ways to get myself out of college and the situation I’m in.  I did, though, manage to have a great weekend and I learned that friends really do make a huge difference in my mood and my life all together.

Last night I went out for the first time in a few weeks to dinner with my friends and to drink.  I normally don’t drink my anguish away, but you know, after being shafted and screwed over all week I deserved a drink or three.  I refused, though, to numb my pain completely with alcohol.  I’ve done that one too many times in my past and I refused to turn back to that again.  I had been looking forward, as well, to seeing the boyfriend.  Excuse me while I pause to laugh for a moment.  Ten minutes before he was supposed to arrive at my place so we could meet my friends to ride with them he bailed.  He said he was “too tired” though he was awake enough later in the night to text me and see how things were.  Yeah, sorry, I didn’t buy the bullshit and I’m really at a point in my life where I’m not giving three strikes or three chances.  I’m not going to sit around and wait for someone to take interest in me.  Needless to say that that’s over and I’m moving on.  So, now that that’s out of the way, let’s get back to the story of the rest of the night and Independence Day. (more…)

Birthdays, Fathers, and New Beginnings Monday, Jun 21 2010 

I couldn’t have asked for a better weekend if I had wanted to.  I apologize for my absence, but my weekend was so jam packed it isn’t even funny.  A lot of things happened, a lot of good things that I am so grateful for and I am just busting at the seams to tell you all about it.

Friday started off wonderfully with my day off.  Working full time is great, but I really do appreciate my time off when I do get it.  Friday was my mother’s birthday and I celebrated with her and my grandma during the day.  Before we celebrated, though, I surprised my mother with a dozen yellow roses and a small cake from the store.  She absolutely loved my gift, though I wish I would have been able to afford to get her more.  It’s the thought and love that counts, right?  Right.  Later in the early afternoon we went out to lunch with my grandma.  We had a nice lunch out and got to spend some quality time together.  Just the three of us.  It’s been a long while since the three generations of women in our family have been able to have quality alone time.  It’s hard to come by these days with busy schedules and life in general.  Later that evening we had a nice dinner at home, my best friend came over to celebrate, and we had a nice time.

I was so happy to get my best friend back.  You really have no idea how much I love this woman in a completely non-romantic fashion.  Let me give you some back story on us.  She and I met in high school back in 2002 when I began my freshman year.  We had a small group of girls that we hung out with, but she and I had a mutual friend.  This girl’s name, for purposes of story telling, is shortened to S because, well, she has not consented to be mentioned by name on this blog.  S told many lies to my best friend, H, and myself.  H and I loathed each other through freshman year and a little bit in the beginning of sophomore year.  At that time I had a best friend, K, who turned out to be someone I couldn’t trust and who would hurt me in the end.  H approached me and asked me if I had been saying the things that S had told her.  I told H no, that I hadn’t, and the same thing happened with me.  S had been lying to each of us to keep us from being friends.  We decided to put the past behind us and get to know each other.  Let me tell you, it has been an amazing seven years. (more…)

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